Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Paternal Instinct?

     I once saw a man pull up to a parking space, take out two small (that I assume were his) and have them sit on the curb to eat their fast-food lunch.  These children were sitting at a parking space between two cars.  Their size prevented them from being seen by any approaching vehicle.  This obvious danger was probably never taken in to consideration by the father.  He simply saw a convenient sitting area for two young people.
Men take a different approach to raising children than women.  The whole process is different for men.  
        From the moment of conception a woman begins preparing to become a mother.  Physically her body changes, morning sickness and increased emotions are all a part of the process.  All of this is part of a biology lesson that does not need to be covered here.  She also prepares mentally.  She starts doing research in all aspects of childbirth:  every thing from what hospital is best, to what stroller is going to fit in the car.  They start talking to other mothers and reading books.  This is all a part of the maternal instinct.
     There is no male equivalent.   From the moment of conception for men....   Wait.  There is no moment of conception for men.  They are usually sleep and possibly snoring.  Men are told about conception and usually find out at least after a couple months and several pregnancy tests have passed.  Their reaction varies somewhere between surprise (as if they don't remember the that course in biology class) and complete panic.  The nine months that follow are an adjustment period for men.  She is using the time to prepare for the child.  He uses the time to prepare for the pregnancy.
     The whole process is such a phenomenal change that it takes some time for the man to understand.  Why is she so tired all the time?  Why can't I wear my cologne?   Why doesn't she like to eat that anymore?  After all, there is nothing like this that a man directly experiences.   So, he can only learn from being told and being taught to understand.   Eventually they do, however begin to understand, and can be very supportive.   It just takes a little time and a lot of patience.  So, the next time you are looking at your husband, man, or baybay daddy, because once again he wasn't there for you.  Know that it is not on purpose.  Men simply can not relate, we try (well, some of us do), but it is something that is foreign.

1 comment:

  1. Men can't relate because they choose not to. There is nothing stopping them from picking up a book or googling hospitals?
    Now I will admit that women systematically cut men out of the decorating. I can't tell you how many times I've been in Baby's R us and heard a soon to be dad ask why the diaper bag has to match the stroller. lol

    But I think the biggest difference is that dad's expect children under 10 to use common sense. The dad in your blog with the kids and the fast food probobly expected the kids to move out of the way if a car came, because he would. I'm sure he just wanted to keep the car clean lol.

    how about an example of expectation from my family. Caleb was looking for some chapstick and couldn't find it... Adrain said "go get some vasaline" I looked at Adrian and said you know he has no clue what you are talking about, you need to go help him.

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