"Hi, Mrs. Johnson? This is Timmy's teacher. I was just calling to tell you that you missed your parent conference yesterday and I am now forced to contact the police."
Can you imagine hearing a message like this on your answering machine. While this is an extreme example, it is something that is being proposed by Detroit prosecutor Kym Worthy. In desperate attempt to turn around a struggling school system with poor student performance, she has suggested jail time to hold parents accountable. While it would only be in extreme cases, she has outlined legislation that would punish parents who do not attend a parent teacher conference after four attempts to schedule one. In defending her stance she was quoted in Essence Magazine saying "The government already regulates your behavior when it comes to your children, so this is nothing new." The problem is it is very new and not very well thought out.
I fully recognize that the educational system needs to be changed. My heart goes out to teachers who deal with unruly kids, uncooperative parents and unsporting administration but this is not the way to fix things. There are parents who truly struggle to meet the demand of daily existence. Facing jail because they can not get off work, is not fair to the parent, the child or an overburdened penal system. If you want a positive change, you reward positive behavior. If you want a parent to come to a conference, why not offer a free childcare while they are there, or a tax incentive for being a good parent. I know Ms. Worthy you are a prosecutor and sending people is your job, but not everyone deserves to go.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Valentines Day
Another Valentine's Day has come and gone and I survived. I use the term survive because it is a day that I want to just get through. Valentines Day is a moment to celebrate love, to cherish your loved ones and reflect on the special feeling of being loved. In doing so, people act in some very unique ways. I have seen everything from dressing certain ways (red for those who have expectations on this day, and black for those who don't) to making purchases of cards, flowers, diamonds, etc. There are certain expectations that sometimes lead to joy and some to heartache. These expectations fill the day with pressures akin to taking a standardized test. The problem is love is a feeling, not an act.
The way in which someone behaves on Valentine's Day is really not a true measure of how someone feels. The 'act' of buying flowers, or writing prose, or wearing a red dress (or red lingerie for that matter) does not make feelings of love any truer or for that matter create feelings where there are none. It is simply a matter of bowing to peer pressure in the same way that a child does not want to be the only one without a cool lunchbox.
Love should never be reduced to simply an act on one day. Love is so much stronger, and more meaningful than any material possession could ever demonstrate. Love is the uncontrollable desire to be around someone in the way that a baby clings to mom. Love is selfless. Love is the desire to meet another's needs, like a brother giving of his own body for his sibling. Love is the feeling of completeness that comes from a spouse who supports you, cares for you and allows you to see things that you couldn't before. Love is the willingness to do anything for another person, but never being asked. Love is more than I can simply describe in this short moment. Sadly, Valentine's Day is more about material desire and selfish lust. It is about people engaging in all manner of things in the name of not being "left out." I for one chose to express my love throughout the year and try to do so in ways that aren't just acts.
The way in which someone behaves on Valentine's Day is really not a true measure of how someone feels. The 'act' of buying flowers, or writing prose, or wearing a red dress (or red lingerie for that matter) does not make feelings of love any truer or for that matter create feelings where there are none. It is simply a matter of bowing to peer pressure in the same way that a child does not want to be the only one without a cool lunchbox.
Love should never be reduced to simply an act on one day. Love is so much stronger, and more meaningful than any material possession could ever demonstrate. Love is the uncontrollable desire to be around someone in the way that a baby clings to mom. Love is selfless. Love is the desire to meet another's needs, like a brother giving of his own body for his sibling. Love is the feeling of completeness that comes from a spouse who supports you, cares for you and allows you to see things that you couldn't before. Love is the willingness to do anything for another person, but never being asked. Love is more than I can simply describe in this short moment. Sadly, Valentine's Day is more about material desire and selfish lust. It is about people engaging in all manner of things in the name of not being "left out." I for one chose to express my love throughout the year and try to do so in ways that aren't just acts.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Father son relationships
The relationship between a father and son is a particularly unique one. It is interesting for a number of reasons, the main one right now is the realization that I will never have a son. I am the father of two beautiful girls. I am, however blessed to have a father who loves me and a very good relationship with him. I also have a grandfather that provides support and a model for which I can observe.
The biggest reason is because of the seeming lack of interest by the society at large. All human beings need to be nurtured, valued, loved and that is not diminished based on gender. A son, needs love just like a daughter and because it seems to be ignored and not as easily expressed, that need becomes even more acute. When the human body is deprived of air, then a pure form of oxygen is needed for recovery. In the same manner sons need a pure form of love to make up for the emotional asphyxiation they experience on a daily basis. The relationship between a father and son is vitally important because a son is seeking approval, validation, praise, and most importantly love. When those things aren't there (or even perceived to be lacking) it often leads to problems. Hollywood seems to be very good at exploiting this fact in plot line after plot line.
In "Gladiator" Maximus is favored by Caesar over his own birth son. Caesar selects Maximus as the next Emperor and not his son. A son already jealous of a bond that his father has is moved to rage when his birthright is taken from him. Caesar does not provide the support and approval that his son begs for. His son kills him for it and is forever poisoned by it. He becomes emperor, a corrupt and evil one and the nemesis of Maximus, still resentful of the relationship he had with his father.
In the "Road to Perdition", the plot successfully juggles three relationships: one between a father and a young boy, one between a father and a grown man and one between a father-figure and surrogate son.
In the movie a Michale Sullivan, father of sinister means struggles to keep his son from becoming the monster he has become. He has come to realize that his young son worships him as a hero despite the villainous things he has done. He also realizes that the man that he looks to as his mentor and father-figure John Rooney, is directly responsible for making him a monster. Meanwhile, Connor, John's birth son is jealous of the bond between Mike and John and seeks revenge on both of them.
These are just two recent movies that demonstrate the importance of the father-son relationship. This theme is recurrent in several others as well as a significant amount of literature. Ironically it seems to be not nearly as important in the real world. I sometimes wonder why. Is it that men are so emotionally closed off that an effective examination can only take place on the silver screen, a place of superheros, magic and other fictional devices? I would like to think that I would be a very good father to a young boy and would provide the support, and love that he would need. God however had different ideas. I am blessed with two girls and my calling is to support, guide and love them so that they become successful adults. It is a big job that I have to do and for that I am thankful.
The biggest reason is because of the seeming lack of interest by the society at large. All human beings need to be nurtured, valued, loved and that is not diminished based on gender. A son, needs love just like a daughter and because it seems to be ignored and not as easily expressed, that need becomes even more acute. When the human body is deprived of air, then a pure form of oxygen is needed for recovery. In the same manner sons need a pure form of love to make up for the emotional asphyxiation they experience on a daily basis. The relationship between a father and son is vitally important because a son is seeking approval, validation, praise, and most importantly love. When those things aren't there (or even perceived to be lacking) it often leads to problems. Hollywood seems to be very good at exploiting this fact in plot line after plot line.
In "Gladiator" Maximus is favored by Caesar over his own birth son. Caesar selects Maximus as the next Emperor and not his son. A son already jealous of a bond that his father has is moved to rage when his birthright is taken from him. Caesar does not provide the support and approval that his son begs for. His son kills him for it and is forever poisoned by it. He becomes emperor, a corrupt and evil one and the nemesis of Maximus, still resentful of the relationship he had with his father.
In the "Road to Perdition", the plot successfully juggles three relationships: one between a father and a young boy, one between a father and a grown man and one between a father-figure and surrogate son.
In the movie a Michale Sullivan, father of sinister means struggles to keep his son from becoming the monster he has become. He has come to realize that his young son worships him as a hero despite the villainous things he has done. He also realizes that the man that he looks to as his mentor and father-figure John Rooney, is directly responsible for making him a monster. Meanwhile, Connor, John's birth son is jealous of the bond between Mike and John and seeks revenge on both of them.
These are just two recent movies that demonstrate the importance of the father-son relationship. This theme is recurrent in several others as well as a significant amount of literature. Ironically it seems to be not nearly as important in the real world. I sometimes wonder why. Is it that men are so emotionally closed off that an effective examination can only take place on the silver screen, a place of superheros, magic and other fictional devices? I would like to think that I would be a very good father to a young boy and would provide the support, and love that he would need. God however had different ideas. I am blessed with two girls and my calling is to support, guide and love them so that they become successful adults. It is a big job that I have to do and for that I am thankful.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Paternal Instinct?
I once saw a man pull up to a parking space, take out two small (that I assume were his) and have them sit on the curb to eat their fast-food lunch. These children were sitting at a parking space between two cars. Their size prevented them from being seen by any approaching vehicle. This obvious danger was probably never taken in to consideration by the father. He simply saw a convenient sitting area for two young people.
Men take a different approach to raising children than women. The whole process is different for men.
From the moment of conception a woman begins preparing to become a mother. Physically her body changes, morning sickness and increased emotions are all a part of the process. All of this is part of a biology lesson that does not need to be covered here. She also prepares mentally. She starts doing research in all aspects of childbirth: every thing from what hospital is best, to what stroller is going to fit in the car. They start talking to other mothers and reading books. This is all a part of the maternal instinct.
There is no male equivalent. From the moment of conception for men.... Wait. There is no moment of conception for men. They are usually sleep and possibly snoring. Men are told about conception and usually find out at least after a couple months and several pregnancy tests have passed. Their reaction varies somewhere between surprise (as if they don't remember the that course in biology class) and complete panic. The nine months that follow are an adjustment period for men. She is using the time to prepare for the child. He uses the time to prepare for the pregnancy.
The whole process is such a phenomenal change that it takes some time for the man to understand. Why is she so tired all the time? Why can't I wear my cologne? Why doesn't she like to eat that anymore? After all, there is nothing like this that a man directly experiences. So, he can only learn from being told and being taught to understand. Eventually they do, however begin to understand, and can be very supportive. It just takes a little time and a lot of patience. So, the next time you are looking at your husband, man, or baybay daddy, because once again he wasn't there for you. Know that it is not on purpose. Men simply can not relate, we try (well, some of us do), but it is something that is foreign.
Men take a different approach to raising children than women. The whole process is different for men.
From the moment of conception a woman begins preparing to become a mother. Physically her body changes, morning sickness and increased emotions are all a part of the process. All of this is part of a biology lesson that does not need to be covered here. She also prepares mentally. She starts doing research in all aspects of childbirth: every thing from what hospital is best, to what stroller is going to fit in the car. They start talking to other mothers and reading books. This is all a part of the maternal instinct.
There is no male equivalent. From the moment of conception for men.... Wait. There is no moment of conception for men. They are usually sleep and possibly snoring. Men are told about conception and usually find out at least after a couple months and several pregnancy tests have passed. Their reaction varies somewhere between surprise (as if they don't remember the that course in biology class) and complete panic. The nine months that follow are an adjustment period for men. She is using the time to prepare for the child. He uses the time to prepare for the pregnancy.
The whole process is such a phenomenal change that it takes some time for the man to understand. Why is she so tired all the time? Why can't I wear my cologne? Why doesn't she like to eat that anymore? After all, there is nothing like this that a man directly experiences. So, he can only learn from being told and being taught to understand. Eventually they do, however begin to understand, and can be very supportive. It just takes a little time and a lot of patience. So, the next time you are looking at your husband, man, or baybay daddy, because once again he wasn't there for you. Know that it is not on purpose. Men simply can not relate, we try (well, some of us do), but it is something that is foreign.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The long Long story
As I sit here and watch all the ugliness play out in the case of Bishop Eddie Long like a car wreck in slow motion I can't help but wonder how this will all end. The stories are slowly coming out and so many people have an opinion and or a testimony. Some can't help but relish in the downfall of a prominent leader, while others cry in anguish at the attack against their friend. I offer no stance and I have no opinion, partly because I have never been to the church, and I have never met the Pastor, but largely because it is moot. Sadly whether these allegations are true or not, the damage has been done.
Part of the fault lies with the portrayal in the media. Despite the numerous efforts to integrate our society and promote diversity, most churches in the United States are largely segregated. As a result there are cultural differences, differences that are completely misunderstood by a majority controlled broadcast system. The media seems to feel that these differences are signs of corruption. The material wealth Bishop Long enjoys is a sign of success, nothing more. His church feels he is to be exalted and so the congregation does. He is called a 'spiritual father' by the members of his church in a way to give him reverence, but this is no different than the devotion shown to a catholic priest or the Pope for that matter. The way the service is run and the music that is played I am sure is not the same as in a more traditional, more conservative church either. None of these things, however is problematic, except to an individual who is simply not used to another way of doing things. Different does not mean wrong I say none of these things to defend the man, as I have no opinion on his guilt or innocence, but i ask that you form your opinion based on true facts of the case, not behavior you do not understand.
There is a mountain of cultural differences, not evidence that is stacked against him. His statements do not make him wrong. His wealth does not make him corrupt. His occupation does not make him a pedophile. However, all these things are going to be used against him in the court of public opinion and therein lies the problem.
The damage is already done. Unfortunately the society at large can not resist the story of a fall from grace, especially when Bishop Long has upset so many with statements that some see as judgemental. He says that he will fight these charges. True or not, I fear that his reputation and his church will never be the same.
In the end, he needs our support, and our prayers. He is a fellow human being.
Part of the fault lies with the portrayal in the media. Despite the numerous efforts to integrate our society and promote diversity, most churches in the United States are largely segregated. As a result there are cultural differences, differences that are completely misunderstood by a majority controlled broadcast system. The media seems to feel that these differences are signs of corruption. The material wealth Bishop Long enjoys is a sign of success, nothing more. His church feels he is to be exalted and so the congregation does. He is called a 'spiritual father' by the members of his church in a way to give him reverence, but this is no different than the devotion shown to a catholic priest or the Pope for that matter. The way the service is run and the music that is played I am sure is not the same as in a more traditional, more conservative church either. None of these things, however is problematic, except to an individual who is simply not used to another way of doing things. Different does not mean wrong I say none of these things to defend the man, as I have no opinion on his guilt or innocence, but i ask that you form your opinion based on true facts of the case, not behavior you do not understand.
There is a mountain of cultural differences, not evidence that is stacked against him. His statements do not make him wrong. His wealth does not make him corrupt. His occupation does not make him a pedophile. However, all these things are going to be used against him in the court of public opinion and therein lies the problem.
The damage is already done. Unfortunately the society at large can not resist the story of a fall from grace, especially when Bishop Long has upset so many with statements that some see as judgemental. He says that he will fight these charges. True or not, I fear that his reputation and his church will never be the same.
In the end, he needs our support, and our prayers. He is a fellow human being.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Stay tuned
Life has taught me a lot. Some of it has been good, some of it has been bad, but all of it has made me a better person. Years ago, I joined a firm and was told by another employee: " I can help you out, or I can HELP YOU OUT." What he meant by that is he could be a resource or he could be the person to wave good bye as you were escorted out of the building.
It is my hope that my posts in the future, which will be more frequent and helpful. Please stay tuned.
It is my hope that my posts in the future, which will be more frequent and helpful. Please stay tuned.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I needed to figure it out.
Wow, two false starts and now I think I finally have something. I was trying to find some lofty goal in all of this. I was trying for a theme. I think I need to just share what is inside me. I have a lot to say and I have been wasting paper. This way, at least, I can quit going to store. Please stay tuned. I will be back, things will make sense.
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