Financial Workshop: The series

Money is a tool and some people are better at using it than others.  Fortunately, a tool can be learned and eventually mastered.  Banks, accountants and investment firms all make their services available to those already blessed with significant assets.  In a way, I guess that is fair, after all one does not need  a shepherd when you only have one sheep.  The problem with this is the flock will never grow beyond one sheep. 
People with money have more money and those who don't are never given the opportunity to learn effective ways of managing and growing  their assets.
It is my hope that a few hints and guidance can help turn the tables.  As I said, money is a tool and I am tired of watching people struggle to manage it.  Once a week, I will present information on managing money.  It is my hope that it helps those people who always said I can can't afford an accountant and don't have enough money to invest.  It is also my hope that those who are reading this provide input and commentary in order to meet needs, answer questions and ultimately change lives.
Please be sure to read the Monday Update for the first step in mastering the money tool.

Update

To my loyal followers, I thank you for the support and will do better about regular updates.   I hope that you are willing to just be patient a little longer.  I want this to be of significance and not simply some random comments from a person desperate for attention.   I will be doing a real update soon.  Stay tuned.

I gotta do better

It is funny how one can get caught up in the day-to-day tasks of life.  I always thought the phrase 'stop to smell the flowers' was kind of corny.  The reality is, that phrase is so meaningful.  Often we drive down a road, or even walk down a path so quickly that we don't notice the little things in life, like flowers. 
It has been a while since I put something here and I realize that I must do better.  I need to make regular visits here.   I will do that from now on.  
I realize that I must be a person who acts in life and not simply one that reacts.

A new kind of detention.

"Hi, Mrs. Johnson?   This is Timmy's teacher.  I was just calling to tell you that you missed  your parent conference yesterday and I am now forced to contact the police."

     Can you imagine hearing a message like this on your answering machine.   While this is an extreme example, it is something that is being proposed by Detroit prosecutor Kym Worthy.  In desperate attempt to turn around a struggling school system with poor student performance, she has suggested jail time to hold parents accountable.  While it would only be in extreme cases, she has outlined legislation that would punish parents who do not attend a parent teacher conference after four attempts to schedule one.  In defending her stance she was quoted in Essence Magazine saying "The government already regulates your behavior when it comes to your children, so this is nothing new."   The problem is it is very new and not very well thought out.
     I fully recognize that the educational system needs to be changed.  My heart goes out to teachers who deal with unruly kids, uncooperative parents and unsporting administration but this is not the way to fix things.  There are parents who truly struggle to meet the demand of daily existence.   Facing jail because they can not get off work, is not fair to the parent, the child or an overburdened penal system.  If you want a positive change, you reward positive behavior.   If you want a parent to come to a conference, why not offer a free childcare while they are there, or a tax incentive for being a good parent.   I know Ms. Worthy you are a prosecutor and sending people is your job, but not everyone deserves to go.

Valentines Day

Another Valentine's Day has come and gone and I survived.  I use the term survive because it is a day that I want to just get through.   Valentines Day is a moment to celebrate love, to cherish your loved ones and reflect on the special feeling of being loved.  In doing so, people act in some very unique ways.   I have seen everything from dressing certain ways (red for those who have expectations on this day, and black for those who don't) to making purchases of  cards, flowers, diamonds, etc.  There are certain expectations that sometimes lead to joy and some to heartache.   These expectations fill the day with pressures akin to taking a standardized test.  The problem is love is a feeling, not an act. 
The way in which someone behaves on Valentine's Day is really not a true measure of how someone feels.  The 'act' of buying flowers, or writing prose, or wearing a red dress (or red lingerie for that matter) does not make feelings of love any truer or for that matter create feelings where there are none.  It is simply a matter of bowing to peer pressure in the same way that a child does not want to be the only one without a cool lunchbox.
Love should never be reduced to simply an act on one day.  Love is so much stronger, and more meaningful than any material possession could ever demonstrate.   Love is the uncontrollable desire to be around someone in the way that a baby clings to mom.  Love is selfless.  Love is the desire to meet another's needs, like a brother giving of his own body for his sibling.  Love is the feeling of completeness that comes from a spouse who supports you, cares for you and allows you to see things that you couldn't before.  Love is the willingness to do anything for another person, but never being asked.  Love is more than I can simply describe in this short moment.  Sadly, Valentine's Day is more about material desire and selfish lust.  It is about people engaging in all manner of things in the name of not being "left out."  I for one chose to express my love throughout the year and try to do so in ways that aren't just acts.

Father son relationships

     The relationship between a father and son is a particularly unique one.  It is interesting for a number of reasons, the main one right now is the realization that I will never have a son.  I am the father of two beautiful girls. I am, however blessed to have a father who loves me and a very good relationship with him.  I also have a grandfather that provides support and a model for which I can observe.
     The biggest reason is because of the seeming lack of interest by the society at large.  All human beings need to be nurtured, valued, loved and that is not diminished based on gender.  A son, needs love just like a daughter and because it seems to be ignored  and not as easily expressed, that need becomes even more acute.  When the human body is deprived of air, then a pure form of oxygen is needed for recovery.  In the same manner sons need a pure form of love to make up for the emotional asphyxiation they experience  on a daily basis.  The relationship between a father and son is vitally important because a son is seeking approval, validation, praise, and most importantly love.  When those things aren't there (or even perceived to be lacking) it often leads to problems.  Hollywood seems to be very good at exploiting this fact in plot line after plot line.
     In "Gladiator" Maximus is favored by Caesar over his own birth son.    Caesar selects Maximus as the next Emperor and not his son.   A son already jealous of a bond that his father has is moved to rage when his birthright is taken from him.  Caesar does not provide the support and approval that his son begs for.  His son kills him for it and is forever poisoned by it.  He becomes emperor, a corrupt and evil one and the nemesis of Maximus, still resentful of the relationship he had with his father.
     In the "Road to Perdition", the plot successfully juggles three relationships: one between a father and a young boy, one between a father and a grown man and one between a father-figure and surrogate son.
In the movie a Michale Sullivan, father of sinister means struggles to keep his son from becoming the monster he has become.   He has come to realize that his young son worships him as a hero despite the villainous things he has done.  He also realizes that the man that he looks to as his mentor and father-figure John Rooney, is directly responsible for making him a monster.  Meanwhile, Connor, John's birth son is jealous of the bond between Mike and John and seeks revenge on both of them.
     These are just two recent movies that demonstrate the importance of the father-son relationship.  This theme is recurrent in several others as well as a significant amount of literature.  Ironically it seems to be not nearly as important in the real world.  I sometimes wonder why.  Is it that men are so emotionally closed off that an effective examination can only take place on the silver screen, a place of superheros, magic and other fictional devices?   I would like to think that I would be a very good father to a young boy and would provide the support, and love that he would need.   God however had different ideas.  I am blessed with two girls and my calling is to support, guide and love them so that they become successful adults.   It is a big job that I have to do and for that I am thankful.

Paternal Instinct?

     I once saw a man pull up to a parking space, take out two small (that I assume were his) and have them sit on the curb to eat their fast-food lunch.  These children were sitting at a parking space between two cars.  Their size prevented them from being seen by any approaching vehicle.  This obvious danger was probably never taken in to consideration by the father.  He simply saw a convenient sitting area for two young people.
Men take a different approach to raising children than women.  The whole process is different for men.  
        From the moment of conception a woman begins preparing to become a mother.  Physically her body changes, morning sickness and increased emotions are all a part of the process.  All of this is part of a biology lesson that does not need to be covered here.  She also prepares mentally.  She starts doing research in all aspects of childbirth:  every thing from what hospital is best, to what stroller is going to fit in the car.  They start talking to other mothers and reading books.  This is all a part of the maternal instinct.
     There is no male equivalent.   From the moment of conception for men....   Wait.  There is no moment of conception for men.  They are usually sleep and possibly snoring.  Men are told about conception and usually find out at least after a couple months and several pregnancy tests have passed.  Their reaction varies somewhere between surprise (as if they don't remember the that course in biology class) and complete panic.  The nine months that follow are an adjustment period for men.  She is using the time to prepare for the child.  He uses the time to prepare for the pregnancy.
     The whole process is such a phenomenal change that it takes some time for the man to understand.  Why is she so tired all the time?  Why can't I wear my cologne?   Why doesn't she like to eat that anymore?  After all, there is nothing like this that a man directly experiences.   So, he can only learn from being told and being taught to understand.   Eventually they do, however begin to understand, and can be very supportive.   It just takes a little time and a lot of patience.  So, the next time you are looking at your husband, man, or baybay daddy, because once again he wasn't there for you.  Know that it is not on purpose.  Men simply can not relate, we try (well, some of us do), but it is something that is foreign.